Jonathan Hortenz
Jon Hortenz

Alter Ego

No information


Film critic

Base of Operations

Detroit, MI


Film Critic

Team Affiliations

No information


Steve the Chach

Notable Alises

Jon the Critic


Keen grasp of film as an art form


No information


Mike P

Jonathan Hortenz is a film critic.


When Jonathan was very young, he was taken to see "Return of the Jedi", and upon viewing the scene in which the Twi-lek's breast momentarily slipped from her top, realized that he liked seeing naked boobies in movies. From that moment onward, he dedicated himself to film, and trying to find the perfect movie. However, he made sure that people knew that he was not into common smut, but instead looked for a movie with the proper amount of "friendly naked boobies". His definition of this was that a bare breast of decent size (not too small, nor too large) and not used gratuitously would enhance a film, making a bad film better and an already great film much better.

As Jon ended film school, the Internet began to gain popularity, and he quickly established himself as a good (if somewhat unorthodox) film critic, starting a film review web site and message board. It was through this that he knew Elroy Sims, which was a good thing since Jon found a monster from a movie called "Beach Party Deep Six" and took it to Elroy's home in Pennsylvania. Jon quickly found himself involved in a plot which threatened the very fabric of time and space, involving many characters from film coming to life. Elroy and Jon, along with Elroy's girlfriend and many benevolent film characters, managed to stop the threat, However, Jon later abandoned Elroy in South Carolina, citing that he was rather sick of him.

Afterwards, Jonathan drove his van straight through a portal and winded up on Megia for several years, becoming the head of the Moleside Association of Motion Pictures and ensuring that each film was good. He reportedly butted heads with Mike P over the latter's insistence on showing giant monster movies. Jonathan escaped from Megia before it exploded, and had lunch with Elroy Sims months afterwards.

March Meekrat Madness 2009Edit

Jonathan Hortenz participated in this as a champion of Deity Guy, losing to Wyandotte Thompson in the first round.


At some point, Jonathan Hortenz learned about Steve the Chach, and hired him on as an intern. Jonathan also started writing for local papers.

March Meekrat Madness 2010Edit

Jonathan Hortenz and Steve the Chach are participating as a team, and as champions of Deity Guy. They designed a better Robot Master than Wyandotte Thompson and Brachiosaur in the first round, and defeated Kyle Albertson in the second, managing to escape Premium Purchase without succumbing to their temptations. They veat CAST in the third round in a James Bond quote contest, thanks to Steve and much to Jonathan's surprise. They defeated Kareem and the Camel in the fourth round when Steve performed a more tactical strike. They lost to Mike P in the fifth round.

Interim 2Edit

Due to Jon's lengthy absence, he was fired from his job as a film critic and due to his multi-page essays on the importance of naked breasts to film, he was banned from movie theaters for several months. He retained Steve as an intern, however.

March Meekrat Madness 2011Edit

Jon sought out allies when he noticed that strange things were going on. His initial attempt to contact Elroy Sims was met with failure, as was his attempt to ensign Ollie to his cause. This latter attempt caused Jon to once again come into contact with Mike P, whom he intended to punish. Instead, Mike P escaped and Jon started traveling by bus. On this bus he met his old classmate, Scoop Griswald, and the two are participating in this year's tournament together.


Jonathan has keen insight when it comes to film.

Friends and AlliesEdit

Jonathan's only friends are Elroy Sims and Elroy's wife, Rhianna. He is the godfather to their younger child. He is also on friendly terms with many people, including his college roommate, Scoop Griswald.


Jonathan has many enemies, including his editor at the local newspaper who keeps cutting out his pages long essays on friendly naked boobies. He also considers Mike P an enemy of the highest magnitude.